“I think that one of the happiest moments of my life was when I decided or discovered that I could shape myself to be the best version of myself. It was a decision making process, an actively working process, and a constantly changing process, but that in the end it would totally shape my whole life. I could look back and say “I make my decisions with future Katrina in mind. Is what I’m doing today helping me become the best me that I think I can be.
Sometimes you miss opportunities, and sometimes you think that you’re doing it, but it doesn’t end up being the way you think it’s going to end up, but I think that overall I have found that it’s really rewarding. You find this center stage of your own life, maybe for the first time ever. And I think it’s really important to find inspiration along that path. I rely a lot on Rilke’s writing to help me find my better self. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable because you feel like you might leave people behind you, but those people have to do their own center stage life work. I think it’s really benefited my relationships, especially my romantic relationship. We met when I was 21 and he was 24, so we were pretty young, but we’ve been together for six years now, and part of that success has been that we’re both on that path of becoming our best people. So even if that means we’re going in separate ways, we’re going together.
It’s benefited my relationships with my parents as well, because I can say that they’re on their own path, and even if it’s not bettering themselves all the time, they are in a stage of their life where they are figuring things out. They are working on their own path.
I set tangible goals about how I want to be better, and working towards them. My first big one was becoming less argumentative. I found that I used to get in big heated arguments, and it was about winning, and that’s it. It wasn’t about about finding a way of truth or anything like that. I’m smart and I want to outsmart you with my words, and it caused a lot of negative feelings in a lot of relationships, and I don’t do that anymore. And it’s taken a lot of time, and I’ve made mistakes, but now I can feel when I am doing it, and say to myself “you know, winning doesn’t matter, let’s now do that,” she laughs.
Poetry has helped me find this. Rumi, Rilke, Robert Bly. Robert Bly has this book called ‘News of the Universe: Poems of Dual Consciousness’ and it’s about reflecting on life experiences from out of body ways. How does the tree feel when its leaves turn brown and fall off, and imagining that life experience. I know the tree doesn’t have experience for itself, but gifting it to the tree through your imagination, and I think that led me to the fact that I could do more for me than I was doing. And it’s made everything so much better. Because if I’m in a rut, I think about what the future me would want of my life, and I do that. So it’s been really fun. It’s a lot of work sometimes, but it’s worth it.”
Madison Community Discourse is interviewing 200 people on happiness in their year-long study on happiness in Madison, Wisconsin. If you are interested in being interviewed, please email firstname.lastname@example.org
If you’d like to participate anonymously, please click here.