When you first said ‘your happiest moment’, I started thinking of specific moments in time when you think ‘well, this was a really good feeling, or this was a really good event, but when I think of what happiness has started to mean to me, it’s more of a phase. And so, I think that I’ve felt the most happiest in my own skin when I quit my job and my career to pursue building my business. And I think it was the combination of doing something that was so scary to me and so shocking to people who were doing the more traditional thing in my life, and that really started to feel comfortable and real to me. And so, I don’t think that I knew what happiness was most of my life. I think I was always in survival mode and i think I was always trying to find the perfect answer of what life should be like. And especially after my momdied, it was more so. It was like, okay, this is what I should be doing, this is what my life is supposed to be like. I’ve got to finish school, get a house, get married, get a job, be successful, blah blah blah.
But it always felt like zombie-mode. And so I think when I started to own my life and start to make some decisions, I think that it took me living as an adult for ten years that way, and all of sudden I realized that it doesn’t have to be this way. It really doesn’t. ANd my mom had been gone for a long time, and it was the first time I could realize and have the inkling that I could make my own choices for myself, it wasn’t what everybody else was telling me. It wasn’t what she was telling me. It wasn’t what my family was telling me. It was like I could actually say no to all that.
So I think when I made that decision to do all that, I came to be in one of the happiest times of my life. It’s mine and I’m doing something even if other people don’t think it’s right. I’m starting to understand who I am and own that. And it’s not always happy, sometimes its very stressful, but overall that’s what happiness is to me. Truly experiencing all those feelings and all of those emotions that happen with existing versus just doing because that’s what you’re supposed to do.
I feel like people feel think that happiness is supposed to be this really good feeling that happens you’re going to feel joyful all the time, and that’s not what it means to me. I think it means being true to yourself.
We are interviewing 200 people all over Madison to create a ‘portrait’ of happiness. If you are interested in being interviewed, please email madisoncommunitydiscourse [at] gmail.com.
To see the full portrait, please visit our home page.